Change, Habits and Other Hard to Reach Items
I don't know about you, but I'm itching for change right now. One way or another.
It’s been a crazy year. I’m going to start with the obvious and then not mention it again: We have been in this pandemic for two fucking years. But this is NOT a pandemic post. Because honestly, I am too tired for that.
This is a life post.
I have reached a point where I am tired of sitting around and waiting for the right things to happen. I have goals that have been on the back burner for me personally for the past few years and I am sick and tired of it. I’m ready to move those priorities to the front of the line even if it means making some changes this year that I wasn’t planning on making.
It’s an odd feeling, because none of the goals and changes that I’m talking about were my top priorities back in January. Back then, I made a list of things I wanted more of in my life and things I wanted less of. Consider this like an “end of first quarter” reassessment.
First off, I really want to write. I’ve always been a story teller. It is something I enjoy doing and I’ve had one dang story in my head for at least 5 years. It’s based on somethings I’ve discovered doing ancestry research and I’ve just never given myself the time and space to really consider myself a writer and sit down and write it. I’m going to do that now. I look at this newsletter as a first step and while it isn’t the book in my head, it is an outlet for me to write and get out my thoughts and feelings while feel more comfortable with the title of “writer” as it applies to me.
Making this a priority means some changes. I had to take a long hard look at what was taking up the time that I would need to focus on writing. And after seven successful years of working my own, I’ve realized that the time it takes to run and manage working for myself is some of time I need to regain. So one reassessed goal for this year is to wrap up my self-employment and head back to a more structured work environment. The kids are older and don’t need me around during the day as much. And I loathe the self-promotion and accounting that comes with finding and maintaining clients and getting paid. And then there is the estimated taxes and all the other tax fun that comes with self-employment. It all takes up so much of my time and really makes me lethargic and unable to bring any energy to outside projects.
I also would love to get into a house we own this year. This one feels almost inappropriate, considering the crazy housing market in California and the potential employment change mentioned above. But we have been talking about this for 5 YEARS. (Excuse the yelling.) We also spent some time making travel a priority and other things that have stalled the house buying. Oh and being way, way too picky for our own good. Even in the crazy housing market, I’m hopeful this year. I’m trading in the three week international vacation that I’ve been dying to take for the past two summers. We’ll stay local, and buckle down and get our priorities straighten out.
I had high hopes of focusing more on my health this year - and that is shaping out differently than I expected as well. I did a Peloton class every day for the month of January - and then I hardly got on the bike in February and I’m not sure that I did at all in March. I’m feeling 40 is all I’m going to say. With sciatic nerve problems, the bike doesn’t feel as good as it used to right now. I wanted to do a juice cleanse, and that was a huge shit show. I did two days but had the worst migraine I have had in years. Maybe it was a sign I should cut back on caffeine - but I don’t think the juice cleanse is the way to do that for me. And I’m not ready for that anyways right now. Too many other changes happening.
We’ve been eating out WAY more than I’d like. It’s another time management problem. Well, maybe time management combined with the fact that I’m just so dang tired.
The one (renewed) habit I feel the most successful with so far - is the family reading time. The kids and I take a fair amount of time to all lay around and read in the evening. It’s nice. It often means late bed times for them and an early bedtime for me. (Did I mention how tired I am already?)
2022 will keep on ticking away. My main thought, 3 months in, is something has got to change. Who knows if I can actually accomplish what I want to - but I’m going to spend the year trying. As long as I can stop myself from falling asleep at 9pm every. single. night. zzzzz